Be the voice in their heads.

By Maria Murphy

Most of us are familiar by now with terms like “internal dialogue” and “self talk.”  You know what I mean, that voice in our heads.  Sadly, most of us learn from a very young age, how to “do a number” on ourselves in our heads.  I am talking about comments like, “you’re never gonna get this,” “what’s wrong with you,” and “everyone else knows this but you.”

This kind of thought pattern doesn’t start when we become adults.  It’s usually rooted by the time we are knee deep in adolescence, and probably a lot earlier than that.  How we use self talk is extremely important. It’s easy to fall into patterns of unkind dialogue with ourselves. Our students are equally vulnerable.  This is all the more reason to teach them to talk kindly to themselves while they are still young.

There is a fabulous “self talk” tool I have used over the years that is simple, yet so powerful.  I call it, “being the voice in their heads.”  This is how it works.  While your student is working through a problem, you, in a very hushed tone, talk to them.  And it goes something like this.  “That’s it.”  “Good.”  “You got it.”  “Not quite.  Okay, there you go.”  “Good. Good. You got it.” 

Sound strange?  Well, I thought so, too, the first time I tried it.  I was mentoring a student who was a slow reader and I was desperate to help and not getting anywhere.  I thought that kind of dialogue would drive the student nuts.  I mean, how can anyone concentrate when I am jabbering this dribble?  But I trusted my instincts anyway and the child started improving at a faster rate.  When we were done, she was reading above grade level.  I used to think this tool would only work while mentoring academics with kids, especially kids with disabilities or deficits.  Then I started using it more.  It didn’t matter who I was working with, or what was being learned, kids were doing well and seemed to like it.  Kids would admit, “It feels good when you say that.”

It took a long time for me to realize what was really happening.  My voice was drowning out their negative self talk.  They couldn’t concentrate on what they were doing, criticize themselves and listen to me. So, being that I am a bit of a motor mouth, the negative talk in their heads was washed out.

When you practice this, you are doing three things.  First, you are cutting down any negative talk for your student.  This is a feat in itself.  Second, you are modeling strong internal dialogue. You are teaching them how to talk themselves through a difficult spot in a positive way. Finally, if you do this with consistency, you will become the voice in their heads.  When they are on their own, working through a problem, your voice will resonate in their heads….and they will be strengthened.

So, consider practicing being the voice in your student's head.  Offer a steady whisper of support as they press toward their future.  You can be their voice, until they find their own voice of support.