Organize Your Student for Success…..in only minutes!

Did you know that organization is linked to academic success?  In working as a tutor, you have the ability to model organizational strategies with your student and pave a path for their additional success.  The key here is to deliver organizational tools consistently every time you work with your student.  The changes I am suggesting are simple.  It’s that very simplicity that makes them powerful. They are easy to remember and easy to carry out! Most of us learn from modeling.  If you can model organizational tools for your student each week, you may just “imprint” these strategies on them and make the tools stick at home!

1.     Prepare the work space.  Your student will need a clean, uncluttered surface.  Ask your student if they have a “study spot” at home.  Encourage them to find a place they can use daily away from loud noise and TV.  Okay, you can stop laughing….just try and help them find the “best” spot.

2.     Prepare your materials.  Help your student “set up” the study area.  They will need their planner out on the desk.  They may need to keep most of their books on the floor if they are working at a desk with limited space. Other materials include paper, pencils, pens, erasers, calculator, etc. Remind your student to keep these supplies in their “study spot” at home if they can have doubles.  Always encourage them to keep these materials in a specific area of their backpack. It seems silly, but having the supplies ready will save time and help your student’s confidence.  Having their “tools” in place will give them a feeling of control.

3.     Assignment overview.  Look at the planner with your student.  If they have assignments they have not written into the book, suggest they write it in quickly. This will help them develop the habit.  If you do that with them every week, it won’t be long before they will see your face at school telling them “Write it down!”when the teacher is passing out assignments.  My nieces laugh and tell me they cannot get into a car without seeing my face leaning in over the window telling them to “buckle up!” Your words have tremendous power.  Say it nice and say it consistent and you will impact! 

4.     Do the work and check it off as you go.  Have your student mark it off in the planner as they go through it. This is teaching them the concept of checking off a “to do list” and no matter what age you are, it always feels good to “check it off.”

5.     Put it away.  Try and get your student to toss papers they don’t need and use whatever pockets they have in their backpack to organize their supplies and homework.

6.     Encourage. Encourage. Encourage.  Organization takes time, concentration and consistency.  If you are consistent, kind and encouraging, you will help your student develop tools that will enhance their academic success and beyond!

Please feel free to go to the discussion forum at tutor/mentorconnection.com or to http://tutormentorconnection.ning.com to discuss this article.

Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for this site and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. The full article can be found on her blog column at http:// www.simplyputtogether.com.

February Mentor Tip of the Month

The Power of Active Listening

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”  Robert McCloskey

I’m sorry…what was that quote?  It’s pretty funny actually.  Not to mention, quite telling.  Listening is tough business.  I mean REALLY listening.  It’s something we all look for, but often are challenged to be able to give to others.  When I practiced as a therapist, people would ask me all the time, “How do you remember that about me?”  Well, every therapist knows, it’s not as magical as it appears.  It is simply “active” listening.  That means you are concentrating your attention completely on the other person, not the dry cleaning or your next meeting or “what I want to say back.”

Active listening is not too hard, it just takes practice.  When you are working with your student, this is an incredible tool.  Concentrate on what your student is telling you.  If you find yourself getting distracted, just pull yourself back into the conversation.  A great tool for working your “active listening” muscle is the “recap.”  All you do is “recap” what the other person just told you, in your own words.  For instance, “I am sick of math.  It’s stupid.”  “You are so tired of math right now.”  This sounds like elementary communication, but I can tell you, there is nothing in this world that feels quite the same as someone looking you in the eye and “getting you.”  That is powerful. 

Good luck and have fun practicing active listening and recapping with your student.

Please feel free to go to the discussion forum or to http://tutormentorconnection.ning.com to discuss this article.

Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for this site and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. The full article can be found on her blog column at http://simplyputtogether.blogspot.com/  

January Tutor/Mentor Tip

From Compliment to Confidence

I can live for two months on a good compliment.  - Mark Twain

Look for the opportunity to find a strength of your student and share it with them! Not just once, make this a campaign. Your student will feel good if you accurately point out one of their strengths, but Mark Twain is right.  A couple of months is nice, but what if you picked a strength and re-enforced it with your student? You move your student from getting a compliment to developing a stronger sense of self.  Think of how far your student will go when you turn this, “You stuck with it until you understood that math problem,” to this, “You always hang in there and stick with the problem until you figure it out.  You are a diligent person.” Compliments can turn into internal confidence if you deliver them with consistency!  Have fun, find your student’s strength and deliver it to them until it becomes a part of their identity!

Please feel free to go to the discussion forum or to http://tutormentorconnection.ning.com to discuss this article.

Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for this site and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. The full article can be found on her blog column at http://simplyputtogether.blogspot.com/  

The Psychology of Service

I admit, I am a service junkie.  People ask and I can’t resist. Someone needs help with a fundraiser or a book festival or my kid’s school and there I am.  Now, I don’t work a traditional job. As a writer and former psychotherapist, I haven’t worked a traditional job in years. So, in some ways it is easier to succumb to the delicious pressure of service.  But, what is really going on for those of us who are smitten with service?

First, there is this whole need to feel connected with others.  Part of creating meaning for ourselves is the ability to connect with something much bigger than who we are as individuals. People find this bond in all kinds of organizations, hobby groups, churches, families, etc.  Most of us have an intrinsic desire to belong, a need for a sense of community.

In addition, I believe we naturally have a desire to contribute, to make our mark. We look, not only to be attached to something that is more than us, but to contribute to and impact it. It is that hopefulness for the future and belief in our ability to change the world around us that makes us so strong.

Talk about empowerment.  When we contribute to service, we are taking control in a world that often leaves us without a lot to hold on to.  In a way, by contributing, we demonstrate, not only that we have hope for a better world, but that we also believe in our own ability to change that world for the better.

When I think of the ‘psychology of service”, I realize that it really is an integral part of our drive as humans.  Whether we serve others by volunteering, donating, or fundraising, what matters is that we represent the belief in hope for a better world and the power in ourselves to create the better world we seek. I say thank you to all the volunteers at Cabrini Connection and elsewhere for believing enough in this world and yourselves to make this world a better place. For those of you considering leaping in to the world of the tutor/mentor relationship, I think wisdom can come from the very young.

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”

                                                                Anne Frank

Promises Kept

By Maria Murphy

“Promise little and do much.”  Hebrew Proverb

I have to say, when I read this quote; I had to laugh at myself, at how easy it is to break a promise.  It seems so hard to keep to my word.  I mean well when I make a promise, but it is easy to let it fall to the wayside.  Promises are much easier made than kept.  But, all joking aside, what happens when we break a promise to a child? 

There is nothing like a kept promise to build a relationship with our students, or a broken one to chip away at it.  The number one rule of mentoring is to keep your promises, yet, it is so easy to break them.  Why does that happen and how can we make it different? 

The worst offender here is over-committing. Sometimes we over-commit because we don’t know how to say no, or we want to please or win over our student, or we just aren’t thinking about the reality of the obligation. 

The consequences of over-promising are not pleasant.  It feels like we are left with either letting someone down by failing to keep our commitment or stuck with the sense of frustration, pressure and angst we feel when we have to carry out those promises we wish we never made in the first place!  This is definitely a no-win situation.  But, what to do?

The key here is to learn to promise less.  The benefits to ourselves and the kids we work with are endless, from increasing trust to reducing the pressure we feel after over-promising. 

Try these simple tools to make keeping promises work for you and your student!

Assess

Assess your Achilles ‘heel. Know the places, people and situations where you tend to over promise.  This includes pressure you may give yourself. Be aware of your own triggers. Are you prone to say yes every time someone asks you to give more?  Know it!

Assess the situation.  Ask yourself these important questions: Do I know what this entails?  Am I able to do this?  Do I want to do this?  Will I do this? (And be honest!)

Act

Buy time.  If you aren’t sure, buy yourself time.  Use one of the following statements. "I will let you know next week during our study time."  (This gives you time to prevent impulsively saying yes.)  One simple line will allow you to take the time you need.

Know how to say “no.”  If saying “no” is the right thing, then that’s what you should say.  It’s okay to refuse.  You’d be surprised how many kids will respect a confident “no.”  For example, “I am sorry. I wish I could see you twice this week, but I can’t.”

Remember, promising less allows us to do more! Have a wonderful month and remember the value in your every contribution!

Please feel free to go to http://tutormentorconnection.ning.com to discuss this article.

Maria Murphy writes a monthly Tutor/Mentor Coaching Tip for this site and has been a presenter for Cabrini Connection’s Tutor/Mentor Conference. She is a speaker, consultant and writer. Other mentoring articles can be found on her blog column at http://www.simplyputtogether.com .