If we keep putting more money into doing the same things that have not worked in the past, why should we expect different results in the future?

AIM High:  and get RESPECT

By Maria Murphy, MA, LCPC

Everyone wants respect.  And working with kids, sometimes I am astounded by the lack of respect that comes out of their mouths.  Terrible, just terrible.  Well, kind of.  I mean, who wants a kid with lip, right?  But it happens.  It‘s inevitable.  Just today, my beautiful, emotionally versatile pre-teen actually said to me “I have had just about enough of that!”  I almost passed out.  Worse, I almost fell into the first deadly trap of fostering disrespect.  Avoiding the obvious.

1.       Address the Obvious

If your student is showing disrespect, don’t pretend it isn’t happening.  Address it.  I was so shocked today I almost did nothing.  That would have been a big mistake.  I would have been sending a message to my daughter that treating me with disrespect was okay.  I would also have been sending her the message that I either am not listening to her or just don’t care.  Addressing the obvious lets your kid know that you are present, that you care and that other people matter.

2.       Inside Scoop

Kids have to LEARN to be respectful.  Consider what you are doing as an opportunity to give them the inside scoop, the goods on how to communicate effectively.  I told my daughter that she could always tell me how she felt, but that she needed to express herself in ways that were respectful.  I didn’t scowl, judge or humiliate.  A good parenting moment for me, thank God.  I set limits and educated.  Not so hard.  She was actually sorry and told me exactly what she was feeling. 

3.       Model the runway

Hey, if you were a model, you would have your best face on as you hit that runway.  Your walk, sway, how you carry yourself would mean everything.  But that is exactly what we need to do every time we spend time with our students.  Except, instead of walking down the runway, we need to show compassion, patience and a willingness to treat others with respect.  It is one of the best ways to teach the kids we care so much about. 

Try these three steps and see quickly you build respect with your student!

Go to www.simplyputtogether.com and sign up for monthly mentoring tips. 

How can the focus on dropouts be used to move school and community stakeholders beyond a limited understanding of what is involved in addressing barriers to learning and teaching and re-engaging disconnected students.

In January 2010, the SunTimes Judge Marovitz Lawyers Lend a Hand to Youth Program distributed $217,000 in grants to 31 different Chicago area tutor/mentor programs.  Guidelines for receiving a Lend A Hand Grant are posted here.

There are many people talking about "best practices" and how everyone should be following "best practices". What if compiling a set of mentoring "best practices" actually leads you down the wrong path? Read more.